Monday, December 31, 2007
Christmas With The Kids
Christmas With The Kids
If you don't have children then you don't have any idea just how exciting Christmas Day can be. The look on their faces when they saw the presents under the tree was utopia.I put one of the gifts outside on the porch and told my oldest boy that Santa's bag must have ripped open and a present fell out. He believed it. That's all that matters. I got a feeling this is going to become a Christmas tradition around the BC house every year.I did it last year and this year he comes up to me and says, "We have to look on the porch this year to see if Santa's bag bust open."They got way too much stuff. Grandma gave them each a toy cell phone. I told Austin when he's old enough to get a job he can get his own cell phone and he can pay fot it. I figure that's fair.I didn't understand what Christmas was all about until I had children. Now it's all so simple.And, by the way, our favorite holiday movie to watch together is "Polar Express." A great movie for the entire family. We've watched it about 10 times already.
If you don't have children then you don't have any idea just how exciting Christmas Day can be. The look on their faces when they saw the presents under the tree was utopia.I put one of the gifts outside on the porch and told my oldest boy that Santa's bag must have ripped open and a present fell out. He believed it. That's all that matters. I got a feeling this is going to become a Christmas tradition around the BC house every year.I did it last year and this year he comes up to me and says, "We have to look on the porch this year to see if Santa's bag bust open."They got way too much stuff. Grandma gave them each a toy cell phone. I told Austin when he's old enough to get a job he can get his own cell phone and he can pay fot it. I figure that's fair.I didn't understand what Christmas was all about until I had children. Now it's all so simple.And, by the way, our favorite holiday movie to watch together is "Polar Express." A great movie for the entire family. We've watched it about 10 times already.
Friday, June 01, 2007
The Boob Fairy
Boobs get bigger when the woman gets pregnant I was amazed at how big my wife's boobs got when she had our first baby.
Her boobs suddenly got really big. And I thought, “Boy, this isn’t so bad after all. I’m going to like these a lot.”
It’s like the boob fairy came overnight and made them bigger and more beautiful than ever before.
Then I realized that they weren’t for me. They were for the baby.
“What? I can’t even kiss them? I can’t hold them? I can’t play with them at all? That’s not nice.”
Who decided on this arrangement? I’m the one who got her pregnant and made them that big. I should at least be able to play with them some. The baby won’t enjoy them nearly as much as I would.
Besides, they’re two of them. The baby can only take one at a time. Why can’t I have the other one?
Suddenly, I became a big baby. “I want to play with them now. They’re mine. Let me play with them.”
She made it clear that I couldn’t play with them for a few months.
A few months? I won’t last that long. I want them now. Besides in a few months they will be back down to normal.
The boob fairy is not a nice person. If she were she would make it okay for the daddy to play with his wife’s new boobs.
You women don’t understand what a fascination we men have with boobs. Give us a cold beer and a set of boobs and we’re happy. That’s all it takes for us to shut up, beer and boobs.
You want your man to mow the lawn, buy you that new jewelry, take you on that special trip, show him your boobs and we’ll do it.
Boob power. It’s really amazing.
I believe we’re fascinated by boobs so much is because we don’t have boobs. All we have are two nipples and no boob around d them. If we had boobs, we wouldn’t get married. I wouldn’t even leave the house. I’d be sitting home all day on the couch caressing myself and thinking, “Man, I feel good.”
Boobs can turn a man of steel into a man of rice paper. We will kill over boobs. We will start a war over boobs. Boobs are the most powerful thing in the world besides Ajax.
The other day I walked in while she was feeding the baby and I swear, he looked at me and winked. That’s just not right.
Her boobs suddenly got really big. And I thought, “Boy, this isn’t so bad after all. I’m going to like these a lot.”
It’s like the boob fairy came overnight and made them bigger and more beautiful than ever before.
Then I realized that they weren’t for me. They were for the baby.
“What? I can’t even kiss them? I can’t hold them? I can’t play with them at all? That’s not nice.”
Who decided on this arrangement? I’m the one who got her pregnant and made them that big. I should at least be able to play with them some. The baby won’t enjoy them nearly as much as I would.
Besides, they’re two of them. The baby can only take one at a time. Why can’t I have the other one?
Suddenly, I became a big baby. “I want to play with them now. They’re mine. Let me play with them.”
She made it clear that I couldn’t play with them for a few months.
A few months? I won’t last that long. I want them now. Besides in a few months they will be back down to normal.
The boob fairy is not a nice person. If she were she would make it okay for the daddy to play with his wife’s new boobs.
You women don’t understand what a fascination we men have with boobs. Give us a cold beer and a set of boobs and we’re happy. That’s all it takes for us to shut up, beer and boobs.
You want your man to mow the lawn, buy you that new jewelry, take you on that special trip, show him your boobs and we’ll do it.
Boob power. It’s really amazing.
I believe we’re fascinated by boobs so much is because we don’t have boobs. All we have are two nipples and no boob around d them. If we had boobs, we wouldn’t get married. I wouldn’t even leave the house. I’d be sitting home all day on the couch caressing myself and thinking, “Man, I feel good.”
Boobs can turn a man of steel into a man of rice paper. We will kill over boobs. We will start a war over boobs. Boobs are the most powerful thing in the world besides Ajax.
The other day I walked in while she was feeding the baby and I swear, he looked at me and winked. That’s just not right.
Labels: children, family, funny, humor, kids
Monday, May 28, 2007
My Youngest Son Strikes Back
My oldest son who is five treats my youngest son who is two like crap because he can. He knows he's the bigger brother and younger brother can't do anything about it except cry and run to daddy. My oldest hits him, pushes him, takes things out of his hand and ignores him. But the other day, my youngest son figured he'd had enough. My oldest boy was feeling sick so I told him to go in the bathroom and put his head in the toilet, something I learned how to do in college. Thank goodness those days are over. Anyway, my oldest son goes in the bathroom, gets down on his knees and sticks his head in the toilet. My youngest son walks in real cool like, walks right up to the toilet and slams the lid down on my oldest sons head, looks up at me, giggles and walks out of the room. All I could think was, "Paybacks are hell."
My oldest son hasn't treated my younger son like crap since then. It's like that's all it took to teach him who's boss around here.
Labels: children, family, funny, humoe, kids, parents
